[9/15/05]

In 1978, before my love affair began with the hapless, helpless New York Jets, I cheered for the Dallas Cowboys.

I loved Tom Landry, Roger Staubach and Tony Dorsett. Brian, the tormenting older brother, cheered for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

He loathed the Cowboys and I hated Terry Bradshaw.

During the 1978 Super Bowl, we bet a cup of hot chocolate that the Cowboys would win the game. When it was over, the Cowboys had lost and Brian tormented me into forcing a vomiting episode.

We were passionate about our pro teams, even when I was 4 years old and Brian was the ripe old age of 8. Games meant something. When your favorite team lost, it hurt inside.

Not anymore.

Fantasy football, as popular and addictive as it is, is ruining pro football from a viewer’s standpoint. It is almost impossible to cheer for a team now, because you are actually cheering for individual players on your roster, regardless of team.

In the office league – a trash-talking mixture of serious players and novice passersby – it’s all about scoring more points than a coworker, not about the Lions or the Packers or the Jets or the Cowboys.

Going into Monday night, my team, the Watermelon Lugnuts, trailed sportswriter Ernest Bowker’s team, the Orla Orcas, by seven points.

I had Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb, kicker David Akers and the Philly defense; Bowker had Atlanta’s defense.

McNabb began completing passes and the mental fantasy football calculator in my head began adding points. Akers lined up for a 49-yard field goal, which would have put me ahead, and he missed it right. Another field goal attempt also missed.

By this time, I didn’t even want to watch a game with two teams I cared little about, yet I couldn’t stop.

McNabb threw a 15-yard pass, then a 20-yard pass, but no touchdowns. Touchdowns are where the big points are scored and he hadn’t thrown any.

By the time he did toss a touchdown pass, it was only for six fantasy points and I still thought I trailed.

Before moving forward, a story from freshman math class: We took an algebra test that had 25 questions valued at four points per question. When Mr. Bulger returned the tests, I scored a 4. He told those of us in the 40 and below range to come back on Saturday morning to take a retest. Again, 25 questions at four points apiece.

I Scored A ZERO.

OK, back to the game.

Akers did end up kicking a field goal that, according to my calculations, gave me about a five-point victory. As the standings sheet arrived at the office on Wednesday, I won by 23 points.

Thanks to fantasy football, I will never be able to watch a game without mentally adding up personal points – usually incorrectly.

Somewhere, Mr. Bulger is proud of my progress.