A good friend held the instructions upside down, turned the paper right-side up, his face covered in a dumbfounded look. Hanging a screen door, not exactly launching a rocket into space, had turned into quite the undertaking.

Dropping the instructions, he asked, “Do you trust me?”

I did.

I have no door now.

Reading instructions is a routinely voluntary exercise. And it was when a Southeastern regional restaurant chain promoted an online contest for children to enter their dog’s pictures to be included in promotional materials, coloring books and placemats.

What beast would be better to advertise Southern barbecue than Cali the Dog, a mutt that tears apart ribs and devours the bones with laser-like precision.

Without reading word one of the rules, a photo of Cali the Dog — sprawled out on a couch, jowls hanging open with a look of having her right shoulder dislocated — found its way to the barbecue chain’s regional headquarters. The winner would receive an all-expense-paid trip to the Caribbean for four days. Not a bad deal.

Had I read the rules, I would have seen clearly that the gunshot-surviving dog and her droopy jowls were ineligible. Had my friend read the instructions, I probably still would have a door.

The first rule read: Contest is open only to legal residents of the United States who are ages 12 and under. At least we were half-eligible (She’s from Redbone Road originally).

Days later, I was informed by e-mail of my blatant disregard for the rules.

No problem. Certainly a contest hawking Omaha Steaks or Lipitor would be more suited for the old pup. I apologized, admitted my no-rule-reading malfeasance and carried on with my life.

Months passed.

The phone rang one recent Monday morning alerting me that the dog had been chosen to be featured. I again explained my ignorance of the rules, how it was an accident and gave another apology.

“You have no children living at your home?” the woman asked.

“You mean besides myself?” I replied. “No.”

“Nieces or nephews?” she asked.

BINGO!

With assistance from an adorable little lady named Alexis from North Carolina, Cali the Dog is going big time. Hollywood. Lassie. Rin Tin Tin. Pawgraph signings at local bookstores for only $5. The bright lights of the big city. It’s already going to her head.

For her efforts — being lazy and photogenic — Cali was rewarded with a T-bone. I, err, Alex, won a trip to Antigua. Or was it Anguilla?

I guess I’ll have to read the rules.

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Sean P. Murphy is web editor. He can be reached at smurphy@vicksburgpost.com