November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving! Turkey in the oven yet?

OK, so it’s early, but it is never too early to get the bird going.

Once the bird is in the oven or the fryer, it’s time to plan the perfect Thanksgiving. I ask for your indulgence, please.

Exercise is key. You must exercise this morning. Did you walk to the curb to pick up this paper? Very well, exercise done.

Drink as much coffee as you can. It will lead to more exercise, likely chasing the dog in circles around the living room. Please, though, watch out for grandpa in the recliner.

By 10 the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade from my former home state occupies every TV channel. By 10:05 we get bored watching said parade and move on. Football pregame shows begin about now, but they just aren’t the same without John Madden showing off his six-legged turkey to give to the game’s most valuable player. Madden eats the rest, by the way.

It’s 11:30 now and the scents of the bird begin to consume the house. Brett Favre is playing (watch him while you can) against the Detroit Lions. The game is indoors, which is a shame seeing as the temperature this morning in Detroit is in the 30s with snow.

Dream about the snow a little …. then get jealous.

Plan the meal for 1:30. Figure the average gorge time is about 45 minutes to an hour. Try to beat grandpa back to the recliner.

At 2:30, the Packers will be about to close out the Lions. The agent in turkey that makes us tired is taking effect. Our eyes droop farther than the overhang of our stomachs.

“These pants fit fine this morning,” you’ll think before undoing the buckle.

Recline and make sure shoes are removed and slippers are on. It’s almost 3 p.m. and this is getting serious. One must be asleep by 3:15 or suffer the horrible consequences of watching the New York Jets.

I’ve been to one Jets game, a Monday nighter in late November; Lord was it cold. We sat in the upper end zone. They were playing the Miami Dolphins.

Late in the third quarter, the drunks to the rear and drunks to the front decided to have a beer-tossing contest. The target seemed to be Dad and I, even though we only had a hot dog each and a soda on the rocks. Of course we left, never to return. A few years later on a Halloween night against the Buffalo Bills, Jets fans were so irate — and drunk — they decided to light the seats in the upper deck on fire. Most put the fires out; there was no hydrant around.

Watching the Jets in person is a nightmare; on TV a horror film.

Give yourself about four hours to nap. The Jets game will be over (thankfully).

It’s time for a bit of dessert, then some more exercise. Leg curls using the recliner will work just fine here.

The day is now close to being over. The preparation, travel and gas expenses a memory lost with the good wishes of friends and family.

Friday morning arrives (hopefully) and we wonder how on Earth we could be hungry again. We inventory our intake and even disgust ourselves, yet the eggs and bacon are frying. Another meal is on the horizon.

Follow that with exercise, of course.

Where is the darn dog?

*

Sean P. Murphy is sports editor of The Vicksburg Post. E-mail him at

smurphy@vicksburgpost.com