When I buy something new to wear, I try to get rid of something old that is hanging in my closet. It is one of those practices which helps me keep order in a limited space. However, there have been certain pieces of clothing that I have found hard to let go because of a memory it holds for me.

There was one cocktail dress I kept in my bedroom closet way too long, but I just could not let go of it. I had worn the frock out on my first date following my divorce. I know some of you may think that sounds ridiculous, but for me it represented a new beginning in my life that I had perceived was over.

For those that have lost a spouse from divorce or death, you know what I am talking about, and it is huge.

I was thinking about that dress this week with all the controversy over the confederate flag.

As a southern, white woman, I understand why some people are having a hard time letting go of the flag. I have always perceived the flag as a representation of my history and heritage, and in some ways like that party dress, it represented a strength and fortitude for the south.

However, the other day I was having a conversation during dinner with a black friend of mine, and I asked him what his feelings were in reference to the confederate flag.

His reply was cordial, heartfelt and noncontroversial. For him, he said the flag is no different from the swastika used by the Third Reich in Nazi Germany, and even though some white people may see it as a part of their heritage, it is not reflective of his.

Wow! A knock me down and prop me up moment. I had never viewed the confederate flag as an emblem to promote racism, but when he referenced it to “heritage,” the noun I liked to use to dismantle the idea of xenophobia, well, it was a punch in the reality gut.

I have studied history, and I know that slavery was part of the culture of the south, but naively I have just wanted to close my eyes to the atrocities that occurred and only recall a time of tea parties, hoop skirts and beautiful antebellum homes.

Yes, and well, frankly I was not giving a damn about how the black culture viewed those times.

I eventually removed that pretty, party dress from my closet. Not only did it not fit any more, it was time to make room for something new.

Today is the Fourth of July, a holiday typically spent with family and friends to celebrate the birth of our country’s independence, and as many of us gather around a table of barbequed meat and baked beans, the flag, red, white and blue, stars and stripes, represents us all.